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Phyllis Diller Quotes

Found 76 quotes by Phyllis Diller .
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Phyllis Diller

"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard" Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing" Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type" Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves" Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"You know you're old if your walker has an airbag" Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"His finest hour lasted a minute and a half" Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"He was very much at home in the TV studio or on stage live anywhere; that is where he really lived. And, you know what, it was never a chore for him. It was never nerve-racking. He was always so completely prepared by his tremendous organization that he had put together," Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they’re early, so naturally you’re not ready." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once" Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"He was in the air most of the time ... on the air, in the air, one way or the other. It was his thing and this was his airport." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing." Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller

"My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee." Phyllis Diller

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