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American Comedian Quotes

Found 2,991 quotes in the topic of American Comedian Quotes .
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Groucho Marx

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." Groucho Marx

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Rita Rudner

"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times." Rita Rudner

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"I shave without using shaving cream." Jerry Stiller

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Phyllis Diller

"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away." Phyllis Diller

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"When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

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Elizabeth Taylor

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"Susan is just great. I know I'm biased, but she's a great actress." Tim Robbins

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"I'm not familiar with the metric system." Patton Oswalt

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George Lopez

"I didn't come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only healthy relationships I saw were on TV." George Lopez

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Bill Hicks

"Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas." Bill Hicks

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Mitch Hedberg

"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle." Mitch Hedberg

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"I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming." Kathy Griffin

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"Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason." Jimmy Fallon

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Dane Cook

"When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top." Dane Cook

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Robin Williams

"Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus." Robin Williams

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James Thurber

"The most dangerous food is wedding cake." James Thurber

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"My granddaughter's birth has made me want to create things she will love." Billy Crystal

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"I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days." Bill Dana

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Joan Rivers

"Never floss with a stranger." Joan Rivers

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Mel Brooks

"We rest our case on the production numbers." Mel Brooks

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Robert Benchley

"I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine." Robert Benchley

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Sarah Silverman

"I enjoy the last quarter of all basketball games." Sarah Silverman

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