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Funny Quotes

Found 4,811 quotes in the topic of Funny .
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Dr. Seuss

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. " Dr. Seuss

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"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else for us to find." Author Unknown

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"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!" Author Unknown

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Groucho Marx

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." Groucho Marx

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Albert Einstein

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed." Albert Einstein

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Marilyn Monroe

"It's not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on." Marilyn Monroe
TIME magazine quoted her saying this in 1952, here talking about her nude photographs for a calendar. After her famous Playboy shoot, she was asked often to appear nude for calendars and other pin-ups.

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Rita Rudner

"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times." Rita Rudner

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"You are only young once, but you can be immature forever." Author Unknown

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"Heaven without love : what a hell. " Charles de Leusse

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"I shave without using shaving cream." Jerry Stiller

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Phyllis Diller

"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away." Phyllis Diller

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"When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

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Elizabeth Taylor

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Marilyn Monroe

"Everyone's just laughing at me. I hate it. Big breasts, big ass, big deal, Can't I be anything else ? Gee, how long can you be sexy?" Marilyn Monroe

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"You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?" Author Unknown

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" Come on! I get better runs in my shorts"

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"Bring out the Gimp!" Peter Greene

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"It's ok to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department." Author Unknown

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"I've been extremely lucky having been in the army when I was a boy of fourteen." Norman Wisdom

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"We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it deserves." Johnny Vegas

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"My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in." Johnny Vegas

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"Susan is just great. I know I'm biased, but she's a great actress." Tim Robbins

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